I totally forgot to post my weigh in yesterday despite actually weighing in when I woke up. Work is super busy and then I have Zumba after work so there was absolutely no time for anything.
Stats
Highest weight: 293
This week’s weight:243
Total weight loss: 50
Thoughts
*Le sigh* I gained. I’m not disappointed because I gained .5 lbs it’s the reason why I gained. My old arch-nemesis came back to haunt me. The weekend basically killed any hope of actually losing any weight because I didn’t fully prepare myself. I was lazy on Friday evening and didn’t prepare any breakfast or lunch options for work over the weekends. Then instead of actually changing into my workout gear as soon as I got home to get in a quick 30 min routine I laid down and took a nap. I gave myself false hope by setting my alarm clock on my BB. It was supposed to wake me up within the hour so I would still have time to work out before picking up Tony from work BUT I hit snooze instead. That was my weekend. Not eating as well as I could and no exercise. So all I can do when I look at my .5lb gain is sigh because I sabotaged myself. I didn’t adhere to my own check list that I wrote out myself many months ago to combat the “weekend glut”. I don’t think I ever wrote it out on the blog so maybe I go over it and maybe retool it for the new year I can get it posted before the weekend is here again.
Some happy news is that while I did gain and while I haven’t lost more than my all time high of 52 lbs. I (plus other family members..including my son) has notice significant changes in the way my body looks. The other day my mother commented that from the back and sides “you can really see the difference” and that it looks like “I’m melting”. I have always looked smaller than my actual weight so I just said..”yay thanks” and shrugged it off. This morning though as I let my dog Ramses outside I passed the full length mirror that I have in my living room and I had to take a step back. Wow I said looking at myself. You really can see a difference. I lifted up my shirt to see the bane (I first spelled this bain but learned via this website that it was wrong) of my existence (my belly) even that looks smaller. I still have the dreaded roll of doom but again it looked smaller. Now I’m not one of those people who don’t like to look in the mirror or who despise their reflection, in fact I love looking at myself in the mirror (sounds vain but it’s not). It’s a known fact around these parts that I was feeling quite down because I didn’t feel quite successful because of not (in my mind) losing as much weight as others or even (again in my mind) not “looking” like I lost weight.
I think i was suffering from…. jeez I wish I could remember what it was called. But it’s like what I was seeing wasn’t registering in my brain because I’ve been seeing myself as my bigger self for so long. Omg does that make sense? It took a while for my brain and eyes to reconcile so I could see myself how I am now instead of how I was before. I wish I could remember what is was called. I don’t think it’s body dysmorphic disease but something less sever than that. Anyways so yes after examining myself for a good 5 mins until ramses alerted me that it was time to come in. I realized I am quite happy with where I am now. It’s not always about the numbers it’s about how your body changes and how those changes effect your outlook on life.
Starting this year I am a happy,healthier,fitter version of myself.
~Randi
P.S. I re-start C25K tonight…..pray for me!!!!!
I’m sorry the weekend didn’t go as planned, but I *love* the last paragraph!
I was going to suggest body dysmorphia, too. I had a bout with it on Saturday after seeing a picture of myself from last Christmas – oof.
Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..Ugly
I can’t wait to have the problem of not seeing myself as thinner! I’m still the fat girl with a skinnier picture in my head.